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Five Types of Chick

Obviously, my Three Types of Chick post was not really that helpful given that it was more an attempt at humor than serious analysis.  This post will be a (slightly) more serious attempt to categorize the women you might meet.

We all know that each woman is unique and special in her own way (well, I have to say that don’t I?), but they can be placed into archetypes.  To aid the intrepid reader in his dating adventures I describe each of the archetypes and give recommendations on handling them.
[Note: There are no archetypes for men.  That is because no man would be caught doing anything so sissy as belonging to an “archetype.”]

Femme Fatale

(aka: Dream Babe, Sexy Chick)
This is every man’s dream.  She is sexy, exciting, and sensual.  She will light up your life.  She will take you places you have never been. She will take you places you have never even dreamed about. She may even take you places you don’t really want to go.  One thing you will not suffer is boredom.  She will make you feel not just a man, but The Man.  You will wonder: “how did I get this girl?”  You will not be wondering long.  After a too short time she will be gone leaving you with great memories and a broken heart.
Recommendation: Every man should aim to meet at least one Femme Fatale in his life. Great memories last forever and broken hearts can be mended.

Lawyer Chick

(aka: Trader Chick, Banking Chick, Amazon Chick, Warrior Girl)
She is both sophisticated and elegant. She is perfectly groomed and beautifully dressed. She knows what she wants and how to get it.  She likes to be on top (ahem) and be in charge. She likes to wear the trousers (except for when she is wearing a Dior skirt). The problem is that her attitude is as sharp as her tailoring.  You can’t hurt her feelings because she does not have any.  You can be sure that she won’t break your heart, but if you mess with her she might break your arms (and sue you for ruining her dress with bloodstains).
Recommendation:  If you really are this masochistic, try sticking pins in yourself.

Yoga Girl

(aka: Flufficans, The Romantic)
Unlike Lawyer Chick, if you are sticking pins into yourself with this one it is only because she is into acupuncture.  Indeed she is into most forms of spiritualism and alternative medicine. She is soft, warm, and caring.  She is into puppy dogs and every lost cause known to man (well she is with you isn’t she?).  She will love you deeply, but you will share that love just about every person or thing that can bring a tear to her eye (and there are plenty of those).  She may not offer excitement but you will feel adored (and that can be very exciting).  She is unlikely to break your heart, but you will probably break hers (you bastard).
Recommendation:  If your testosterone levels are too high this is the perfect cure.  But please treat her gently and leave her as you found her.

Nerd Girl

(aka:Tomboy, Star Trek girl)
I mean how cool is this? She is a girl but she likes all the nerdy things you do. [Come on. You are on the Internet, reading a blog. Actually you are reading a blog entry about chicks. You are a nerd. Admit it. Embrace it. Celebrate it.] Herein lies the problem; she is just too like you.  I mean she has got girly bits and all, but is just like one of the guys. Where is the excitement in that?
Recommendation: Nerd girl is fun, but you probably need a dose of Femme Fatale (if you can handle her).

Library Girl

(aka: Cute Chick, girl next door)
You have become frustrated in your search for the girl.  But then you see her.  You are not sure how you missed her before. It is true she is not quite as sexy as Femme Fatale, nor as beautifully tailored as Lawyer Chick, she does not have that inspiring gentleness of Yoga Chick, and unlike Nerd Girl she does not even like the nerdy things that you like. However, there is something about her.  She is warm and friendly. She has a nice laugh.  She probably won’t break your heart (or your arms) but will provide friendship and loyalty. You worry that she is not the coolest or best-looking girl around and then you realize you are not the coolest or best-looking guy around. Maybe, just maybe…
Recommendation: Listen buddy, stop jerking around and make your move.

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